If you’re easily offended and/or have no sense of humor, please don’t watch this. We all know how much liberals love to make a big deal over hand-sanitizer at Mass – just bear that in mind as you watch.
Posts Tagged ‘Thou Shalt Laugh’
It’s Flu Season – Take Out Your Wipes and Face Masks
October 8th, 2010, Promulgated by GenRay Grosswirth – Man, He’s Got Some Good Moves!
October 4th, 2010, Promulgated by GenIt’s been a while since I’ve made a light-hearted video for you all, so here’s something I think you’ll all like. It’s our favorite “married priest from Rochester, NY” in a dance remix video. Oh yes. Brace yourselves.
Don’t You “Like” Us?
September 23rd, 2010, Promulgated by GenJust a gentle reminder that Cleansing Fire has a Facebook page. As of now, only 87 people officially “like” us. Now, that’s out of 600+ daily readers. Of course, we should make that number about 500, seeing as how lots of people read just to make sure those dangerous, bishop-bashing, reform-hating idiots (that’s how liberals perceive us) aren’t doing anything too threatening.
So be a friend – like us on Facebook. (<<<Click this link!!!)I promise you that you will feel so much more complete once you click that little thumb and you bring us that much more fulfillment.

"What? You haven't 'liked' Cleansing Fire on Facebook yet? Are you insane?"
“De-baptized”
September 18th, 2010, Promulgated by Bernie‘In case you missed it’ department:
American atheists lined up to be “de-baptized” this summer in a ritual using a hair dryer, according ABC’s late-night news program Nightline (July 16). Leading atheist Edwin Kagin blasted his fellow nonbelievers with the hair dryer to symbolically dry up the holy water sprinkled on their heads in years past. …
Read the short news brief -along with other interesting stuff if you subscribe- at the New Oxford Review.
A Nod of the Miter Goes To . . .
September 10th, 2010, Promulgated by Gen. . . the spirit of creativity.
I have to admit, sometimes we “conservatives”/”traddies”/”reactionaries” can lose a little creativity. We don’t think outside the box. I thought we were oh-so-witty when we came up with the “Nod of the miter” and “Smack of the crosier” segments, but I would like to thank Ray Grosswirth for helping us break free of our stale patterns of humor. While we may have the “Nod of the miter,” only Ray can confer the “Nod of the Lampshade.”
Kudos, Ray. You keep the Spirit alive with your labors.

"Hello. I'm Ray Grosswirth, married priest from Rochester, New York. (Insert long pause.) I'd like to give a Nod of the Lampshade (long pause) to the staff of Cleansing Fire. (Vacant stare.)"
I need a giggle…
September 5th, 2010, Promulgated by InkMass at the Cathedral drives me a little crazier each time. So I am going to post this for your viewing pleasure and entertainment. Alt-text (which is found on the comic site) is beneath the image.
Holy Ghost
Okay, everyone, cross yourselves, then cross the streams.
Honest and Open Dialogue . . . Yeah, Sure
August 31st, 2010, Promulgated by GenThe following comes from the Archdiocese of Boston. I got quite a chuckle out of it.
The Archdiocese of Boston, under attack by anonymous conservative Catholic bloggers, has blocked access to one of the websites from computers within the church’s Braintree headquarters.
Terrence C. Donilon, a spokesman for the archdiocese, said church officials blocked the site because it had become a distraction, not out of a desire to squelch debate. Its authors, he said, were “actively spamming the employees of the archdiocese with links to the site, interfering with their work day.’’ He pointed out that employees could still visit it from their home computers.
The Boston Catholic Insider, the most lively of several blogs that have targeted the archdiocese, portrays Cardinal Sean P. O’Malley as a lax administrator and accuses his top aides of straying from Catholic doctrine and values.
Personally, I think the Catholic bloggers of Boston should look around and realize that many dioceses (Rochester, Albany, Miami, etc. . . ) have it much worse than they do. Cardinal O’Malley wears his Franciscan habit in public . . . when was the last time you saw one of our religious/administrators wearing a habit in public, let alone own and posses one? But that’s beside the point. What I’d like to say is that this really highlights the trend of higher-ups who stray from Catholic teaching. (I’m not referencing O’Malley, but some of those under him.) When they are confronted (like our Theology on Tap series shows) they become bitter, evasive, and downright rude. And after they realize that those “conservatives” can’t be silenced, they enact their fascist decrees of censorship. The only equivalents I can think of here are the following:
- Ray Grosswirth doesn’t permit commentors to post on his blog.
- The Catholic Courier deletes comments (sometimes) which call out various people on various teachings.
- The Diocese of Rochester’s Facebook page has removed comments from our staffers and supporters.
I’d like to take this time to remind you that, unlike the Diocese of Rochester, we here at Cleansing Fire are not the thought-police. Liturgy Police, naturally, but not thought-police. We have limits, you know.
“Religion in the Modern World”
August 24th, 2010, Promulgated by GenThis video is two things, friends: 1 – absolutely hilarious, and 2 – absolutely realistic. Behold the lofty pinnacles of collegiate religious formation.
Apple – Fruit of Sin and Coolness
August 20th, 2010, Promulgated by GenI’ve had several people in the past week email me asking about what the Church says about iPads, touch-screens, powerpoint, and like things at Mass. Seeing as how all these things are relatively new, the Church doesn’t have a clear teaching, ltirugically, on their goodness or badness. Personally, I think there’s a place for technology – In moderation, of course. When it begins to conflict with the dignity of the Mass, that’s when I have a problem with it. I’ve heard stories about battlefield chaplains who use iPads instead of missals. Fine. I’ve heard stories about churches replacing altar cards with iPads. Not fine.
The definitive decision comes from St. Francis de Sales, pictured below.
Patron Saint of Grumps and Grousers?
August 18th, 2010, Promulgated by GenLee posted a question asking if there’s a patron saint for grumps and grousers.
My best bet – St. James.
No, not that St. James . . . I’m talking about Jim Henson.
A Taste of What’s Coming
August 8th, 2010, Promulgated by GenI happened upon this image and thought instantly, “Gee, that’s what it’s going to look like when Bishop Clark leaves the chancery the last time in 2012.”
There’s hope, friends. We’ve reached the “less-than-two-year” mark. We’ve lasted this long, we’re not going to knuckle-under now. Our seminarians are solid, the orthodox Catholics are thriving while the heterodox are dwindling or staying static, and the Holy Father is slowly but surely enacting, piece by piece, the Reform of the Reform. Personally, I wouldn’t mind switching that term to “Reform of the Rebellion.”
So here’s to 2012! May it come quickly and relatively painlessly, for all parties. Pray for the Pope, pray for Bishop Clark, and pray for his successor.
Rats in the Rectory
August 2nd, 2010, Promulgated by GenA nod of the miter goes to Fr. Z for this wonderfully insightful dose of orthodoxy:
You can find the deprecatory prayer against rats and other vermin in the pre-Conciliar Rituale Romanum, which is in English on the site of Sancta Missa. The prayer is in Titulus IX – Caput IX – No. 27. Benedictio Deprecatoria contra mures, locustas, bruchos, vermes, et alia animalia nociva.
I think you should use the LATIN because Latin is the language most hated by rats, both those with Roman collars and those who only have fur.
DEPRECATORY BLESSING AGAINST PESTS
(mice and rats, locusts, worms, etc.)
The priest vests in surplice and purple stole, and coming to the field or place infested with these creatures, says:
Antiphon: Arise, Lord, help us; and deliver us for your kindness’ sake.
Ps 43.1: O God, our ears have heard, our fathers have declared to us.
All: Glory be to the Father.
P: As it was in the beginning.All Ant.: Arise, Lord, help us; and deliver us for your kindness’ sake.
P: Our help is in the name of the Lord.
All: Who made heaven and earth.P: Lord, heed my prayer.
All: And let my cry be heard by you.
P: The Lord be with you.All: May He also be with you.
Let us pray.We entreat you, Lord, be pleased to hear our prayers; and even though we rightly deserve, on account of our sins, this plague of mice (or locusts, worms, etc. Insert rats, here… or liberals, if it is a rectory. No, wait. This is a rectory. Make that, chancery.), yet mercifully deliver us for your kindness’ sake. Let this plague be expelled by your power, and our land and fields be left fertile, so that all it produces redound to your glory and serve our necessities; through Christ our Lord.
All: Amen.
Let us pray.Almighty everlasting God, the donor of all good things, and the most merciful pardoner of our sins; before whom all creatures bow down in adoration, those in heaven, on earth, and below the earth; preserve us sinners by your might, that whatever we undertake with trust in your protection may meet with success by your grace. And now as we utter a curse on these noxious pests, may they be cursed by you; as we seek to destroy them, may they be destroyed by you; as we seek to exterminate them, may they be exterminated by you; so that delivered from this plague by your goodness, we may freely offer thanks to your majesty; through Christ our Lord.
All: Amen.
ExorcismI cast out you noxious vermin, by God + the Father almighty, by Jesus + Christ, His only-begotten Son, and by the Holy + Spirit. May you speedily be banished from our land and fields, [rectories, … chanceries, …] lingering here no longer, but passing on to places where you can do no harm. In the name of the almighty God and the entire heavenly court, as well as in the name of the holy Church of God, we pronounce a curse on you, that wherever you go you may be cursed, decreasing from day to day until you are obliterated. Let no remnant of you remain anywhere, except what might be necessary for the welfare and use of mankind. Be pleased to grant our request, you who are coming to judge both the living and the dead and the world by fire.
All: Amen.The places infested are sprinkled with holy water.
A Man, A Banjo, and a Story
July 20th, 2010, Promulgated by GenAlright folks. Usually we leave Mr. Grosswirth alone once one of his videos comes out, but circumstances dictate that we revisit the poor man once more this week. You’ll recall we posted about his potty-humor a couple of days ago (see here) – well, he felt the need to make a second video. And this video is so much more entertaining than the first. It involves banjo music and further claims that the Vatican is “stupid.” They accent each other so well, in my opinion.
When I showed it to my spouse, the first time through she was silent, mouth wide open. The second time, I looked up and noticed that she was laughing so hard she was crying. When you put redneck music and liberals together, the comedic result is greater than anything Lucille Ball could have imagined.
We aren’t making fun of Mr. Grosswirth – we’re just presenting his videos to a larger audience than he receives normally, and we’re doing so to make his dreams of “dialogue” come true. True charity consists of presenting people with the means to make an educated choice between two competing sides. Sorry all – I don’t have any banjo music to make a witty come-back to Ray. I guess he’ll have the final word, while we’ll have the last laugh.
Happy 73rd, Bishop Clark!
July 15th, 2010, Promulgated by GenWe’ve hit another countdown milestone, friends. Bishop Clark turns 73 today, placing him at the two-year mark for his retirement. In honor of this occasion, we have been requested to produce one of our light-hearted videos. If these videos aren’t your cup of tea, spare us all a lot of heartache, and don’t watch it. These are made in jest, and we would welcome the diocese to respond in kind – we wouldn’t be offended in the slightest.
And so, without any further ado, I present to you Bishop Clark’s Land of Pure Imagination. Happy Birthday, Bishop Clark.
Vocatus Es Poster Contest Winners
July 4th, 2010, Promulgated by GenBehold, here are the winners of the Vocatus Es Contest. I thoroughly enjoyed all of the submissions, and I will revel in rewarding those whom democracy has labeled above average.
In first place: Anonymous’ poster “Here I am, Send Me” – The submission earned him a Cleansing Fire t-shirt signed by yours truly. Second place goes to the following two submissions: “Feed My Sheep” by A.G. and “Thou Art a Priest” by Nod. You two will receive a Cleansing Fire holy medal. Third place (10 Cleansing Fire prayer cards) goes to “Deny Yourself” by Anonymous and Ben’s “Are You Lost” humorous submission. I will email you if you have won, and we can work out your award’s details.
In our zeal to post submissions, we accidentally overlooked one. To our faithful reader who was lost in the labyrinth of our excitement, I extend the title of “Lector Mirabilis.” Again, expect an email if you were mentioned in this announcement, so that I can properly disperse the loot across the continent.
City of God – Latin Mass Edition
June 15th, 2010, Promulgated by GenI was given a CD by a friend who thinks he’s quite the Catholic music buff. Well, the CD was pretty much a countdown of the worst folk hymns and Mass settings (if they can even be called that) that came from the 1960’s-1980’s. I did remember one which my school used to sing at every Mass – “Let us Build the City of God.” Well, seeing as how that melody was burned into my head before I had any real clue what proper liturgy was, I decided to rewrite it for your entertainment.
1. Awake from your slumber! Arise from your sleep!
The old Mass returns now, for all those who weep.
The people in darkness have seen a great light.
The Pope of our longing sets liturgy right .Refrain: Let us follow the rubrics of God.
May our Mass be turned into Latin.
For the Lord our light and our love has turned the night into day.2. a.We are sons of the surplice; we reverse the decay.
With Mass facing eastwards, the only true way.
b. The Lord of all kindness has called us to see
a Mass for His people to set their hearts free.
(Refrain)
3. a. God is light; in Him there is no darkness.
Let us walk in His light, chanting Latin, one and all!.b. Instruct all my people, preach Truth every week,
with the Credo in Latin, and the Kyrie in Greek.
(Refrain)
4. a. O city of gladness now lift up your voice,
proclaim the good tidings that all may rejoice!
This video is the original version – the number of verses varies depending on the performer.
Hilarious Videos
June 14th, 2010, Promulgated by Dr. KA reader has sent us a number of hilarious videos from the British television show, “Outnumbered.” In these clips, you will see a comedic treatment of children grappling with various aspects of Christianity. Death, Hell, love thy neighbor, and other topics are explored in these brief clips. Enjoy.
See, this is how it goes.
June 14th, 2010, Promulgated by InkOkay. Time for a very brief rundown of Plato’s Cave, and how it relates to our diocese today. I even have a diagram! (Diagram courtesy of Mr. Rick Martin of Cardinal Gibbons High School. Not-typed scribblings and notations are mine.)
At the bottom, we have pictures projected onto a wall. People are sitting there, trapped and bound, raised in darkness, staring only at the wall for their entire lives. They are pleasure-seekers.
On the second level, we find a fire, which projects these pictures onto the wall. People are parading puppets along in front of the fire, projecting pictures down to the pleasure-seekers. They are fame-seekers.
Outside of the Cave, we find the real objects represented by the puppets, along with the true light of the sun, which is the Good (aka God). Anyone who makes their way out of the Cave into this blinding, true light, is a truth-seeker.
Diagram (click to enlarge):
Dedication of Cleansing Fire 2.0
June 9th, 2010, Promulgated by GenAt Cleansing Fire, we aim, as we always have, to provide our readers with certain outlets for their frustration, usually in the form of an occaisional video. In keeping with this tradition, we humbly submit for your perusal the following – our solemn dedication of this new blog to Bishop Matthew H. Clark, Bishop of Rochester.
If liturgical dance parodies offend you, you may wish not to click on the play button. (Please note – these videos aren’t ever meant to offend or mock. They bring an oft-needed smile to our battle-weary faces.)
Announcing the Brand New “Vocatus Es Contest”
May 25th, 2010, Promulgated by GenThe Diocese of Rochester is trying (and I give them some credit for that) to recruit men to the priesthood through these posters you’ve seen here and in your parish atria and gathering spaces. However, most men aren’t called through feel-good posters, but one-on-one interaction with priests. There is something so fraternal about the priesthood, something which gets forgotten or trivialized in these posters. Sure, the little boy at the altar looks cute enough. “Aww, he’s soo wittle!” But that’s not what rouses vocations awareness.
And so I’m challenging you all to design two posters:
#1 will be a serious poster, asking young men to answer the call to the diocesan priesthood.
#2 will be a comedic poster, embracing the fruits of your snarkiness. I will post ALL submissions, presuming they aren’t inappropriate, and we will vote on them in due time.
You can submit for one or both categories.
What do you get for all your hardwork? How about a brand new Cleansing Fire t-shirt! If you want, I’ll even autograph it for you. Just promise you won’t sell it on eBay. Yes, I’m just that awesome. Runners up will receive, in order of achievement, a Cleansing Fire medal for second place, and 10 Cleansing Fire prayer cards for third place.
So get to work! I want to see your Vocations Awareness Posters! Send your submissions in the Vocatus Es Contest to me at cleansingfire@live.com. Do it now, and maybe