Last month, an incident at a funeral mass at St. Mark’s in Greece drew quite a bit of attention from the local media. At that time, I reached out to a handful of other Cleansing Fire writers to see if anyone planned to address the matter. We concluded that, due to the sensitive nature of the incident, and our imperfect knowledge of what transpired, it would be best to not touch upon the matter.
With that said, it’s worth reading the words of Reverend Paul English, Pastor of St. Kateri Tekakwitha Parish in Irondequoit. Published in last Sunday’s bulletin (pdf), Father English provides a fair, loving but strong explanation of why something like this occurs, and how we ought to understand (and hopefully share) the beauty of the Catholic Rite of Christian Funerals. (Emphasis is in the original.)
An incident occurred during a recent Catholic funeral in our diocese, reported in local media and on the Internet. Given the sensitivity of an incident like this, it may be impossible ever to learn the complete set of facts. This unfortunately, does not stop people from drawing their own conclusions and leveling harsh criticisms. As followers of Jesus Christ, we would do well to consider, in all humility, that we don’t have all the facts, and thus reserve judgement, harsh or otherwise.
This does, however, provide an opportunity to learn about the way our Church worships the Lord in the particularly fragile moment of the death of a loved one. Often it is the lack of knowledge of the Roman Catholic rites (our “way of doing things”) that leads to misunderstandings and expectations that are impossible to meet.
There may have been a time when everyone had a strong familiarity with the Catholic funeral rites, allowing realistic expectations on the part of bereaved families and loved ones. Today, people’s understanding of a “funeral” comes more from movies, television shows and services for celebrities, often with little or no reference to faith, Catholic or otherwise. It’s usually one event, then the burial, so what you don’t say at the funeral, you’ll never get a chance to say. It’s understandable, then, that grieving people might come to a parish expecting things that are actually not part of our way of worshiping. This must be handle with care, sometimes simply allowing for a brief statement, since the moment of grief is the hardest time to try to explain the depth and beautify of the Catholic Rite of Christian Funerals. That’s why I’m taking this opportunity now.
The pastoral care given at the end of a person’s life begins with prayer for healing while the person is still alive (the Anointing of the Sick). At the time of death, the rite provides for Prayers At The Moment of Death. Relatives and loved ones gather later for the Gathering in the Presence of the Body, where further prayer is offered. At the funeral home, a Vigil Service can be celebrated. Later a Funeral Mass is celebrated. There’s a procession to the cemetery and a Rite of Committal. That is five separate moments after one’s death for gathering and prayer. At the Gathering in the Presence of the Body, the Vigil and the Committal in particular, it is very appropriate for those who knew the deceased to say a good word about them for others to hear. This “eulogy” (usually the substance of non-Catholic funerals) is not actually part of the Order of Christian Funerals during the Mass, particularly since we have several other opportunities to do this.
We need to develop a fuller understanding of the pastoral care that is available to us as Catholics, of the multiple opportunities there are for sharing memories, and of the time for respectful solemn prayer according to the ancient practice of Catholics throughout the centuries. I hope this helps.
Blessings,
Fr. Paul F. English, CSB, Pastor
Please remember to pray for the repose of the soul of Mary Deuschle, as well as for Christ’s peace for her family, with special blessings for her two sons.
