Cleansing Fire

Defending Truth and Tradition in the Roman Catholic Church


An Apple a Day . . .

April 20th, 2010, Promulgated by Gen

 . . . will make the doctor kill himself.

Apple products have been slowly transforming from the basic iPod or computer to these unnecessary luxuries that drain our finances, our souls, and our entire livelihood. The recent iPad is “cool,” I’ll admit, but absolutely and totally unnecessary (along with 90% of Apple’s other products).

So what’s the latest “epic fail” concerning Apple?

Maybe it’s that an entire country has banned the deified iPad from its borders.

“The entire nation of Israel has banned the iPad because of problems the country has with the Wi-Fi connection it uses. Visitors bringing an iPad to the country must impound the device for a daily fee until they leave or pay to send it back home.”

Evidently, the iPad’s wireless connection is such that it sucks the life-force out of normal wireless items, like laptops, Blackberry phones, and other similar things. You would think that the omniscient corporation named after a fruit would have done some research to make sure that you can safely use the iPad when around, say, other living people with internet connections. But no – they opted not to descend from their lofty thrones of liberal, tutti-fruitti, fabulosity.

I own one Apple product, an iPod classic. It has served me well, and I would definitely get one again presuming this will die eventually. However, I don’t know why anyone would actually want an iPad. It’s a screen the size of a piece of paper. One of the “aps” you can buy (for $9.99) lets you “paint” on the screen. You know what? For about $1.00 you can do the real thing. Yeah, I know. Astounding, isn’t it?

And so, if you value your immortal soul, you will stay away from Apple excess. An iPod? Sure. An iPhone? Okay, but that’s kind of pushing it. An iPad? You might as well be a God-hating atheist.

Follow the example of Israel, Princeton, and George Washington University, and ban iPads from your life. This is one clear instance of “WWJD.” What would Jesus do? He wouldn’t buy an Apple product, that’s for sure.



5 Responses to “An Apple a Day . . .”

  1. avatar Matt says:

    HEHEHE, love it!

  2. avatar Steve Jobs says:

    It's called "a joke" Chris. Why don't you look that up on your iPhone??

  3. avatar Honorious IV says:

    Chris – what the heck is the "GERM"? The General Enstruction of the Roman Missal? lol

    Steve Jobs is right – it's just a joke. You kind of killed it though . . .

  4. avatar Christopher says:

    Clearly it's tough to gather a sense of humor on this blog in between posts about STA closing and episodes of the Vortex. 😀

    Wasn't sure hence why I prefaced it with that I hoped he was joking…

    I dumped the comments so the joke isn't "killed". My apologies…

  5. avatar Gen says:

    No worries Chris.

    But I thought maybe the icon of Jesus advertising PC's in the Holy Scriptures would be construed as a joke! LOL

    Then again, it is a Gospel truth . . . Bill Gates is the 13th Apostle, according to wikipedia.

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