Cleansing Fire

Defending Truth and Tradition in the Roman Catholic Church

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Catholic Humor/Puns

September 23rd, 2009, Promulgated by Choir

Once there was a thief who stole a priest’s wristwatch, and then went to Confession immediately afterwards to that same priest. He said, “Bless me Father for I have sinned, it’s been yaddah yaddah since my last Confession. I stole a wristwatch, but now I feel really bad about it and don’t want it anymore. Here–you take it.”

Father replies, “No thank you. You should give it back to the person you stole it from.”

“Well, I offered it to him, but he didn’t want it.”

“In that case, you can keep it.”

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“If Satan ever goes bald, there’ll be Hell Toupee!”
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Two cannibals were sitting around chewing the fat one day, when one of them mentioned that no matter how long he boiled them, he still couldn’t get a missionary tender enough to satisfy him.

“What kind of missionaries do you use?” asked the other cannibal.

“You know ? the fat ones with the brown robes and the funny haircuts.”

“Ah ha,” replied the other. “You’re not supposed to boil that kind ? they’re friars!”
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Heaven is Where:
The Police are British,
The Chefs are Italian,
The Mechanics are German,
The Lovers are French and
It’s all organized by the Swiss.

Hell is Where:
The Police are German,
The Chefs are British,
The Mechanics are French,
The Lovers are Swiss and
It’s all organized by the Italians.

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4 Responses to “Catholic Humor/Puns”

  1. avatar Anonymous says:

    Funny stuff!!!

  2. avatar Mike says:

    Okay, here's my contribution …

    Two ladies were leaving their parish church after listening to their pastor read his homily from several sheets of paper, as was his practice every Sunday.

    One said to the other, "I don't know how Father expects us to remember his sermons when he can't remember them himself."

  3. avatar SISTER EMILY says:

    CHOIR, AH HA HA HA HA HA ! I love the last one!!!

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